I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
