dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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