"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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