He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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