I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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