My underwear smells like fireworks.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
