do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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