Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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