Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
