Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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