party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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