just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize