Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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