someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you never un-have a 4some
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
