First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
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You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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