Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
