Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
