im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
