Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
