he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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