I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
