I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
