He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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