Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
