Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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