DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
