i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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