I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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