My balls are so social today.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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