someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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