ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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