It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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