Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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