You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
