When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
