did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
