Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
