walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
