so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
