Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
