Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need Xanax blowdarts
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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