for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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