I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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