Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
