apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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