This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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