Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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