I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
