Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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