so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
