my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
