Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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