My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is classic penis vs brain.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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