i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
