my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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