If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
