Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
