Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
