Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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