Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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