You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
