hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
