i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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