yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
zippers are such a cool invention
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
