lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
