nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
