I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize