I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Houston, we have a squirter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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