Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
