Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
