I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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