I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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