I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
